When she saw her first gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Freudian slip. When you say one thing and mean your mother.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

I used to work in a blanket factory but it folded.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.

Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
A breakfast boiled egg is hard to beat.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and t'aint mine.
His photographic memory was never developed.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Local Area Network in Australia. The LAN down under.
Without geometry, life is pointless.

Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu. The same mustard as before.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
A backwards poet writes inverse.

In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
Definition of a will. A dead giveaway.
Pay your exorcist, or you'll get repossessed.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
You're stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
He fell into an upholstery machine, but is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France: Linoleum Blownapart.

• Puns